Act One: Scene Eight

Cancer Stuff:

I finished up my Ara-C treatments today and had my first Idarubicin shot (direct into my port). I've got two more days of the Idarubicin and then this round of chemo will be finished.  Then I spend some time letting the chemo do its thing.  After that, I rest up for the second round.  Right now, we're looking at around the first week in June, but it depends on how quickly my body responds to this round.  I keep telling the doctors I want to try to push everything ahead two months.  If I could have my last round of chemo in August, that would be awesome.  Fits my plans much more conveniently.  And we all know cancer is convenient.

My red blood cell count was finally given a thumbs up today, which is good.  I started to run a fever and it has been climbing since earlier this evening.  The doctors are mildly concerned, which of course concerns me.  The only bit of insightful information I was able to retrieve was from a nurse who let it slip that patients who receive transfusions sometimes have poor reactions and get sick.  Since I'm starting to think a lot of the blood in me is no longer mine, it's possible that may be the cause of the fever.  I don't think it's anything serious.  I get ice-packs and I'm trying to rest a little more.  (The levels of "rest" I have are amazing... rest 0-sleep, rest 1-laying with eyes closed, rest 2- staring at the TV/wall/ceiling/window, rest 3- chatting with my girlfriend/paying attention to the TV/listening to music, rest 4- chatting/foruming/actively watching TV/singing along to music, rest 5- talking/sitting up/considering walking.)

Today I tried not to think about cancer too much.  The hospital is a fucking depressing place the way it is, I don't need to spend all my time thinking about the rogue cells that decided to wage war against my body.  Bastards.

Non-Cancer Stuff:

CONS>

I haven't been able to have many visitors because I am very susceptible to extra illness right now.  With the pneumonia and the new arrival of the fever, I imagine it might be some time before I get to see Ami again.  It hurts to be a new dad and not have the chance to do new dad things.  I'm actually sad that I don't get to change diapers and wake up at 2am to scald my wrists with hot formula.  I'm worried that Ami is growing so fast.  I'm missing out on it. Con? No Ami.

My family unpacked and decorated my new home for me.  I have no idea what it looks like now. Should be interesting to go "home" and see what great things my mom picked out.  I hear the guest room is pink.  That's right.  Pink. Con? No "home".

I miss my girlfriend.  Have I mentioned she's ridiculously awesome?  She is.  Pretty much perfect.  (And what makes her perfect?  She'll tell you she's not.)  I'm not used to having someone so awesome care about me.  She's being a real trooper about this so far.  I mean, I thought things were a little complicated before the cancer, but this shit just makes things more interesting.  Sometimes I feel like I just don't want to talk to anyone, and other times all I want to do is be babied.  A new relationship with challenges of its own really needs to be strong to survive cancer.  I guess it makes me worry.  Con? Worry.

PROS>

I spent a lot of time being distracted today, which was very helpful.  I chatted with my sister in Michigan.  She'll be flying out this Friday and having her bone marrow tested.  I chatted with my new BFF (I know, half of you reading this are jealous.  As you should be).  She and I are totally awesome and she really makes me smile.  I chatted with my girlfriend (I know, all of you reading this are jealous.  Especially Tony.  As you should be).  No matter how horrible I feel, she makes me happy.  Even when it hurts to talk to her because I miss her so much, just knowing that we will be together really puts things in perspective.  Today was an especially good morale boost.  I am hilarious, hott, and happy.  The women in my life are truly gifts from God (or whoever you believe is responsible for the most beautiful, intelligent, loving creatures of the earth). Pro? Chicks dig me.

I really wish all you bitches and hos would leave comments on this damn thing instead of sending random e-mails and talking shit behind my back.  I like to write these, but I also like to know who's reading them.  So keep sending the prayers and well-wishes... but comment too, fuckers.