Act One: Scene Ten

Today I have my final chemo shot for Round 1.  Tomorrow I'll celebrate the end of the induction phase by chillin' with my mom and my sister.  My sister flies in tonight, but she won't be visiting the hospital until tomorrow.

I've been having a tough time staying focused lately.  My mind sort of jumps from topic to topic and sometimes I zone out completely.  I've been feeling more tired lately and put up less of a fight when people tell me to nap.  I had a great appetite for a few days, but today I don't feel much like eating.  I'm not exactly sick to my stomach, but thinking about food does make me a little nauseated.  I guess my hopes that I could brave through this without feeling like complete shit might soon be dashed.  (I wanted to say "on the rocks of" something, but couldn't think of the word.  Ha.)

I don't have the attention span, energy, or patience to forum anymore.  I might drop in and make a post or two, but I don't really feel like it.  You make one post and then everyone expects you to reply and refresh every ten seconds.  I can't follow conversations like that right now.  I can manage chatting on IM but only with certain people.  It's a combination of my desire to chat with them and their understanding of my situation.  There are only five people I can really follow through conversations with right now online.

Don't think it's any better in person.  I can't tolerate phones at all.  They just piss me off.  I zone out, forget who I'm talking to.  If my mom's here, she'll answer the phone and I'll say hello, maybe give a quick "I'm feeling fine" or tell a joke, but no more than that.  If mom isn't here, I don't answer.  Face-to-face conversations are slightly less horrible than the phone, but still pretty horrid.  I'll forget what we're talking about, I'll get frustrated, I'll just stop talking.  Even when I'm in a good mood.  It sucks, because I know I want to say something but I can't seem to get it out.  I wonder if this is common for chemo patients.

I like this blog because I can type and then reread and change or add.  I can focus my thoughts more easily.  At least they seem focused to me.  Maybe you don't agree.  I don't give a fuck.  (This comment will be humorous to at least two people reading this.)